The other day, I cut some guy off. Reminded me to try and suck a little less at driving. His reaction reminded me yet again why I’m sooooo glad to be sorta-retired and mostly FI or whatever. 

Begin long, wandering post!

I’m a mediocre driver. Every few months or so, I do something stupid, like not check my blind spot, or misjudge the spacing when I merge. Luckily, most people are paying attention, they react and things work out. We’ve all probably been on both sides of this. Usually my mistakes remind me to wake the fuck up, and I’ll go a few months before I slip again. 

This is despite having a bunch of advanced driver training. The Army trained us in combat driving, which we applied with vigor in the demolition derby that is Kabul. Later as a cop I went through a week-long emergency vehicle operations course, and then additional Pursuit Intervention Technique (PIT) training. Learned how to drive fast around a race track, and more practical stuff like back up quickly around obstacles and knock other vehicles off the road in a mostly safe manner. Years of cop work allowed me to apply this during car chases and vehicle take-downs. Looking back, I spent a good portion of my working years behind the wheel. Patrolling, surveillance, going lights and sirens as fast as possible to SWAT call-outs, blah blah blah. If anything, all that training and experience has made me overconfident, and I have to constantly check myself lest I wreck myself. 

It’s kinda funny (to me, probably not to the taxpayers who paid me (sorry taxpayers 🙃)). One of the things that contributed to me applying for the cop gig was all the speeding tickets I accrued in my youth. Figured if you can’t beat ‘em, may as well join ‘em. 

Anyways.

Now my driving is much more important than rolling around the city at night busting punks. Because if I’m driving, more often than not, my kids are strapped in the back. This definitely changes things, and any desire to drive fast or aggressive has long since passed. I’m well aware, thanks to horrifying anecdotal experience along with an academically tuned understanding of the statistics, how bad shit can go when driving, and the terrifying frequency at which it does. Despite all this, I still fuck up. 

Which brings me to the other day. 

No shit, there I was. Had just picked up my daughter from her daycare (can’t wait until she’s colocated with her older brother at the school we can bike to), and was driving to my son’s summer camp. I pulled onto the four lane road, and then merged before it turned into a two laner a few blocks away. Had a car length and a half ahead of the car behind me, but he was going faster than I judged so by the time I got over, he was about half a car length behind me. Cut it a little too close; luckily the guy was paying attention and quickly slowed down. Doh. That was stupid. Should have taken my time and just waited for him to get in front of me.  

What happened next was unsurprising. I drive a Prius, because A. It’s cheap as fuck and B. It unassuming as all hell-I ascribe to the philosophy of “never let ‘em see you coming”. 

The thing with Priuii is that people hate them. At this point I’ve owned 9 cars and trucks, 3 motorcycles, and been issued 6 different police cars. Each one provokes a different reaction from other drivers. The marked cop cars were the worst; people would drive under the speed limit in front of me, which was understandable yet annoying when I was trying to go 10 over like everyone else. Seriously man, I don’t care about your weed; can we please keep up with traffic? People gave me lots of space when I was in a pickup. And I was pleasantly ignored in my Camry and Scion. But the Prius seems to provoke the occasional rage. People glare at me, and routinely cut me off or tailgate me. 

This is mostly amusing. I’ve rammed a bunch of cars from the rear during training, and occasionally in real life during vehicle take-downs where I didn’t quite pull off a good PIT. It really doesn’t do much, unless there’s a huge size disparity. Yeah, your bumpers will get jacked, and you might get some minor whiplash. But most times you only get jostled around. Having taken way more accident reports than I want to think about, I also know that it’s pretty easy to see that someone was following too closely, and the tailgater always found at fault. So go ahead, creep on my Prius. It’ll give me an excuse to buy a Tesla like everyone else in the FIREdome. 

Which is what happened the other day. The guy I cut off tailgated me. Had that coming. But what happened next was just sad. He kept tailgating me, and followed me into the parking lot for my son’s summer camp. This was somewhat concerning, as in my region road rage is the third leading precipitant of assaults. However, this is something I do have some practical experience with, and thanks to my EP side gig and low-grade paranoia (due to a series of unfortunate events), I keep up with my training and legal updates. So while spending the evening talking to lawyers and detectives post conflict is not my idea of an enjoyable Tuesday night, I’m at least reassured that the odds are in my favor. Plus I’ve got prepaid legal specifically for this, so it shouldn’t hurt the budget. The worst part is that my daughter was with me, but her risk was somewhat minimized by her being in a ballistically favorable position coupled with an immediate action plan which greatly reduces her exposure. 

The parking lot for my son’s summer camp is huge, so when I slowed down to park, the guy immediately sped around me. I kept track of where he was going, figuring that was going to be it-he’d get back out on the main road having accomplished his goal of expressing his dissatisfaction. 

Nope.

He stopped on the other end of the lot, clear on the farthest side where people park when coming to pick up their kids. Ok. So he’s either going to confront me here, or he’s here to….pick up his kid? I stopped in a parking spot where I could see him, but through the glass of multiple other parked cars, keeping my car in gear until I figured out why he was here. As I watched him get out, it was immediately clear from his slumped shoulders and sheepish look that it was the latter. Guess our kids go to camp together. 

I stopped box breathing, shut the prius down, and got my daughter out to walk in with me. As I said before, I’m not a great driver. One thing I do to compensate for this is try to apologize to any driver I’ve wronged. More than a few times I’ve pulled up next to someone I did something stupid to, rolled down my window, waved, and apologized profusely. A few have cussed me out (usually when I was in uniform), to which I figure I had it coming. But most people are pretty forgiving, and it’s nice to see a little bit of their tension melt away. I’ve even been able to track down people in similar situations to the above; once I apologized to a guy in a Home Depot parking lot, and we had a good laugh about the absurdity of human existence.

Let’s get one thing straight- I don’t do this because I’m a good person (more of a chaotic neutral, which is an improvement over younger me). My forgiveness seeking makes me feel better; it’s purely out of self-interest. 

My plan was to try and say sorry to this guy for cutting him off, and hopefully restore balance to the galaxy. Didn’t happen. I got into the lobby of the summer camp, and the guy kept avoiding eye contact, looking square at the floor the whole time we’re in there, while moving as far away as possible. I could see his eyes were wide, and darting from side to side. He quickly grabbed his kid and rushed out the door while I was still trying to juggle both my kids through the pickup line. He then threw his kid in the car and left the lot with all due haste. There goes that.

Well that was just sad. 

Especially as I considered what that guy had likely just gone through.

Next we’ll make some extrapolations based on appearance and behavior; always a dodgy proposition, but what the hell.

Guessing this guy wasn’t normally the parental half which picks up their kid. By now I’m familiar with all the vehicles that park at my son’s camp and their associated drivers-never seen this guy before. Who knows, maybe his partner who typically does the kid ferrying is sick, or had to work late. So he was likely already stressed out doing something new. 

He probably had to leave work early to grab his kid. Judging by his clothes, it looked like he was coming from some professional setting. Few people wear a tucked in polo, khakis and shiny shoes just for funsies.

Finally there’s the financial probabilities. This guy was driving a new high-end luxury car, and we live in a relatively affluent area. Since we’ve moved here, I’ve noticed a few other chilled out people who don’t seem to be doing much during the day. But most seem to be rushing around, leaving their houses early and coming home after my family has dinner. Lots have way bigger houses than us, and much nicer cars. We know that most of these people probably have a big income, but if they’re not living paycheck to paycheck, they’re close (Bezos decreed I warn you that this is an affiliate link; read more about my greedy schemes here). 

So here this guy is, his partner is unavailable to grab their kid, and he’s got to do this for the first time. He has to leave work early, which can be stressful when you’re worried about money. And I’m guessing his job isn’t always enjoyable. More likely than not that he’s been doing something either boring or frustrating all day.

While rushing to grab his kid, some idiot cuts him off, and he has to quickly slow down. By now multiple things have compounded and he’s seeing red. He’s been running around doing stuff he normally doesn’t have to do, and just wants to get his kid as quickly as possible. Now there’s some hippy in front of him singing along to the Stones who’s doing exactly the speed limit. In an effort to get this guy moving, he creeps up and gets as close to the idiot as possible.

Tailgating requires more attention due to less reactionary gap, which leads to a vicious cycle of increased rage and commitment to the act. The guy probably didn’t ever realize he followed the idiot’s car into summer camp until they both got into the lot. 

Now the guy is embarrassed. There’s only one place to pick up the kids, and everyone has to get in the same line. There’s no way he’s going to be able to avoid seeing the hippy he just tailgated for ten minutes. Plus this hippy looks a tad unhinged; he’s wearing flip flops, short shorts, and a dirty cut-off T with a snake on the front; on the back it says “Let them Hate so long as they Fear-US Army Sniper”. That can’t be good. The hippy’s beard is scraggly, hair’s unkempt, and he’s carrying a squealing 3-year-old over one shoulder. Seems out of place with all the other parents in either brand new athleisure or professional attire. And now the hippy is trying to get closer to him! Time to get the fuck away from this weirdo. 

I may be wrong about all that.

I’m wrong about a lot of stuff. But I’m guessing the guy’s day wasn’t great to begin with, and I ended up making it worse. So that sucks. As usual, I’ll try to not drive like a dickhead, for a while at least. But mostly, this relatively small ordeal reminded me how lucky I am. 

First, I’m pretty lucky that I didn’t get rear ended. And I’m lucky the guy I did cut off wasn’t prone to violence. But mostly I’m lucky that I don’t have many days like that guy probably just had. Sure, they still happen occasionally. When they do, it’s usually my fault from poor planning. But damn, if this doesn’t remind me how glad I am that I don’t go to work every day for eight hours or more. 

At the risk of sounding repetitive; I am so glad to have stumbled into this FIRE thing. It’s out of vogue now to talk about getting away from work as fast as possible. Enjoy the journey, all that. On balance, good stuff. Sure; don’t make your life worse in the hopes that it’ll be worth it eventually. But man, it’s so much better not needing to go to work with all the associated stress.

Thanks for sticking with me through my ramblings. I guess what I’m trying to get at is mostly this: The unchecked financial pressure of life can make a shitty day absolutely terrible. No matter how nice the surroundings, stress still sucks. It’s much easier to consider things from another’s point of view when you’ve got the time, and you’re not worried about the money. If you’re not at that point yet, I sincerely hope you keep going. 

And hopefully I don’t cut anyone else off. 

Holy fuck, you read all of that? Thanks! If you’re into really long sorta stories with maybe a purpose, check this shit out.