A recent fall day reminded me why I love walking around New York City. Had just grabbed a spicy döner and a ginger ale, and headed to the park to enjoy the scene during my early dinner. Just inside the park was an unhinged shirtless guy screaming at people. He jerked around stochastically, covered in sweat. Like everyone else, I gave him a wide berth and avoided eye contact. Had to smile. Reminded me of my old job, and made me thankful not to be doing that anymore.
Sofi Tucker played in my earbuds as I squeezed into a bench between remote workers. There were few free spaces; everyone was enjoying the beautiful weather, and it looked like most had just wrapped up work or school. Kids and adults playing, some dancing, most of us just sitting and enjoying the vibe.
Then the constant lull of sirens changed and grew closer.
Seven cops came sprinting into the park; glad they didn’t give me a second glance. I like to avoid any imperial entanglements.
The cops go running by, and some park goers meandered closer to watch the show. I stay where I’m at; my döner is calling and I’m not in the mood for a rerun. Some screams mix with the music, and a few minutes later the crazy guy is hauled off by a scrum of blue. Gotta love NYPD; even before the mass exodus from my old department, our staffing levels meant I would have had to handle something like that by myself. Probably one of the reasons why NYC is relatively safe for a big city.
With a few bites left, the boss texted me. One of our client’s picked a restaurant for the night. Right down the street from the park, so it’d be easy for me to advance. Still had a few hours before the dinner reservation, so I took my time and continued to do my favorite thing while I worked.
More walking around the city!
As an introvert, I absolutely love being lost in a sea of people where the implicit norm is to avoid any contact with others. You get to feel like a part of a big social organism without the pressure of having to talk with anyone. The earbuds and RBF are a nice backup to anyone who strays.
Made my way through SoHo, checking out various routes from the client’s location to the restaurant, hospitals, police station, etc. Checked the restaurant, it’s alleys, and talked to the manager. Figured out the exits, the cover, the concealment, the sight lines and parking. Easy-peasy. As I walked back to our place, I couldn’t help but thinking driving here was going to be stupid. We could walk there in half the time. You can say the same for most of the city.
Reality killed that thought.
Most people don’t recognize our clients. But in a city that size, someone would. Been in the middle of that, and it ain’t fun. Usually people are friendly, some a little too much. And while our clients tend to handle the attention with surprising equanimity, they just want to have a meal with their family and friends. So no walking for them.
Knowing this client, they’d love walking around NYC as much as me. But every time they’re here they’re stuck in the back of a giant black SUV, driven by a goon like me, watching people walk past them. Kinda sad. They’ll never know the simple joy of a döner in the park, basking in the communal anonymity.
FI is an amazing thing. Rich is relative, and like so much, you can have too much of a good thing. It’s nice being rich enough so I don’t have to wrestle sweaty schizophrenics on the reg anymore. But not being so rich that people chase me down for selfies is better.
Enough is the crucial word there. Like “Die With Zero”, “Boring Middle” and “Coast FI”, you can’t go five seconds without hitting the concept of “Enough” in the FIRE space. Que up the Vonnegut/Heller anecdote you probably know by heart now.
I’d like to say something about enough
I don’t think you’ll ever get there unless you deliberately draw a line in the sand.
One of my favorite resources is ESI money. Did an interview there some years ago, and not too long ago posted an update. The dude who runs the site is a good guy, and his correspondences helped me push this blog to reality.
What I really love are the millionaire interviews. I’ve read hundreds, and after a while some trends emerge. Most with huge net worth have put in years of hard work, were a little lucky, and either worked in a lucrative field or climbed to the upper ranks where compensation is huge. And of course they were not stupid with their money.
But I noticed another thread in some of the interviews. No matter what the net worth, some people would say something like “once I get to X dollar amount, then I’ll feel secure/financially independent/ok to retire/etc.” This seemed to occur regardless of the person’s net worth or income. After reading more than a few where the interviewee was making over 300K and/or had like 5 million dollars, but still didn’t feel like they had enough, it became clear that this phenomena occurs absent any specific dollar amount.
I don’t think you’ll ever feel like you have enough. At least not 100%. Even when the most conservative math says you do. God knows that this has afflicted me on and off for what seems like forever.
What has helped me has been that line in the sand. Luckily, I’m naturally kinda unhappy, so data suggests a household income above $100k ain’t going to do much for me. Said data is based on normal people with mortgages, so chop off another $20k-ish thanks to that crazy Ramsey guy. There, we got a number. A line in the sand. Pretty arbitrary, but then isn’t everything if you look close enough?
The other thing has been accepting that I will always want more. At least a part of me. Thanks to my EP gig, I’ve got oodles of anecdotal data which suggests that this desire never goes away, despite how much someone has. Even better than reading ESI millionaire interviews is listening to a billionaire be legitimately bummed they couldn’t get their favorite type of creamer this morning. Seems ridiculous. But then, am I not doing the same thing when the local diner runs out of hazelnut? (something I have regularly done; ask my wife).
And finally, it helps to know that as you near the money apex, life still kinda sucks, but in new, strange ways. Like not being able to walk a mile lest you get harassed by people obsessed with you. Or not being able to drop into whatever restaurant you want for dinner, and instead having to inform your “people” of your desire hours in advance. Forget about grabbing a döner and walking through the park. If you’re lucky, your kids will burn enough of your scratch that your grandkids will get to enjoy such simple pleasures.
These are the things that don’t make me necessarily giddy, but do make me content with having what I call enough. Hope you find your own way there. Maybe someday you and I will be at Bezos’ Flag Day party, and you can tell me how you have something he doesn’t.
Oh, man, you seemingly channeled me with this post. Two of my all-time favorite memories involve walking in NYC. Once into Greenwich Village (where the whole spectrum of humanity, including an old, mentally unstable guy who’d just walked out of a hospital (with catheter and EKG patches still on him) seemed to have come), and the other basically from end to end of Queens. And walking through cities (especially ones I’m visiting for the first time), generally, is at or near the top of things I love to do. I’d be horrified if I was so well-known that I couldn’t have done these things, let alone in peace.
Thanks man! I suppose I need to visit more cities and walk through them. I loved walking through San Franciso and Berlin. Bet even more distant places would be really fun. Someday I hope to walk through Hong Kong and Mumbai. Have any favorites from your travels?
Anywhere in Europe is good for walking. And I’ll typically put on about 5-15 miles a day in those cities, including places I’m staying in for several/many days and places I’ve already visited. I’ve loved every single one of the probably 20-25 cities I’ve visited there, with walking being at the top of things that have made the visits great as it introduces the element of serendipity to the getting-to-see-the-city-on-a-granular-level element. I can’t tell you how many times I stumbled on awesome things to see and do only because I was walking and discovered them. If I had to choose favorites, I’d pick Paris, London, Istanbul, Barcelona, and Rome. As for trips outside Europe, Jerusalem was an absolutely top-notch walking city. Places farther afield (with Mumbai being maybe first on the list) are at the top of my list of cities to visit/walk going forward.
I live in NYC and feel completely safe all the time with literally one exception in the 20 years I’ve lived here. Honestly most of the time I feel more anxious around cops (aka people with guns) than the crazies. We recently had a bystander who was shot by cops chasing someone who jumped a subway turnstile (where we spend more on enforcement than what it would cost to just give people a free subway pass) and now that guy won’t ever walk again. That’s what I think of when I see cops in the subway stations. How they might shoot me even though I’m not doing anything wrong.
Glad you feel safe, and thanks for the comment! So sorry you feel that way about your local cops. Unfortunately, you’re not alone. I’m impressed that even though you’ve had such negative experiences with cops you read my little blog, given my employment history. Thanks for being open-minded and making it through my post, I’m truly honored.
Obviously I have my own biases, but if you’d ever like to talk about cops in general or that recent shooting, I’m open to setting up a call. I understand people feel many things about law enforcement, and rarely ever get to ask someone in the field about what the heck is going on. And when you do, the interaction can be negative.
Maybe we could learn something from each other. My email is escapingavalon at gmail dot com if you want to set up a zoom or something. The written word is wonderful and all, but for such emotionally charged topics, all that nonverbal stuff can help keep things real.
To anyone else reading this who’s interested in such a discussion, feel free to reach out.
I was just on YouTube watching sailing footage and was struck by a scene where a 200 foot sailing yacht passed a 150 foot one like it was standing still. Both boats were no doubt owned by billionaires, but I’m certain the one who got passed did not feel like he had nearly enough in that moment. However, I’ve known many people with a dinghy, a canoe, or a little fishing boat who are as content as can be. I think it’s largely a matter of how you’re hardwired. Also, those that are hardwired to be happy with dinghies probably never go on to be billionaires, but are the better for it.
Ha! Poor guy in the slightly smaller yacht. I think you’re right. I’d rather be content in a hobie cat than chasing the ultrarich Joneses in an Oceanco. It would be a rare person indeed that would occupy the billionaire club while being happy with a dinghy.
Hey I read your catch up at ESI when it came out and it was quite good. As much as we don’t need to know numbers it is kinda of nice to see a full picture. It’s like the finishing touches or details to know how you pulled off what you have. Even better to see an update a few years apart to see that early retirement does not make the numbers go down which is everyone’s biggest fear after pulling the cord.
My ESI story will be out in a few months. Do you participate in the Mentors portion? If you do are you getting anything out of it?
As humans we do want to be that faceless person most of the time until we don’t. That pull to be the centre of attention is somehow buried deep. We all like to perform in some way. But is it a performance if no one is watching?
I found knowing what I want is the hardest part. Some days being the hamster in the wheel just seems easier then all the choices that present them self post FI
Looking forward to your interview! It’s nice to hear you got something out of mine. I do not participate in the mentors forum; as you can see from my extremely late reply, I’m not so great about interacting online. It’s probably a great resource, I’ve messaged back and forth with Nords a bit and he really likes it.
I think it is definitely easier to be the hamster in the wheel, but it has plenty of obvious drawbacks, as well as some unseen costs as well. Looking back, it does seem that whenever I took the easy road, I later regretted it.
Knowing what one wants is a constant process, especially since so much of what we want is influenced by outside factors. As you peel back the layers of your own onion, it does become more clear which of your wants are intrinsic, and which are remnants left over by others. Paul Millerd and Luke Burgis’ writing has helped me clarify my thinking on this.
Good point on the pull to being the center of attention. If anything, I think how we tend to perform even just for ourselves when we’re alone speaks to how persistent this drive is.
I came here from ESI. You’re a very good writer. I live in NJ and worked in NYC for a number of years. Walking around can be very interesting. Ditto for the subway. There are a pretty fair number of crazy and scary people around. I’m not usually too worried (6’2, 250+), but my female co-workers are concerned. Pretty much everyone I know who lives or works in NYC has some experience with crime or violence.
Otherwise, relating to you EP gig. My father-in-law is a somewhat famous ex-media personality in NYC. He’s been interrupted by fans a number of times while we’ve been out with him. Most fans are very respectful, but it is odd how fans think they know him from watching him on TV and interrupt or invade his personal space.
Glad you found the place Tom, and thanks for the praise. Good point on the relation of worry to size. I don’t worry much there, but then I’m not sure my wife would feel the same.
Yeah, I don’t get the fan thing. There’s very few people I would consider myself a fan of; maybe a few academics and some who earned the MOH. I’ve seen some of these people out in the wild, and always thought the best thing I could do to honor their achievements is leave them alone. Not sure how people arrive at the opposite point of view. But then, there’s a lot I don’t understand.
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