Fighting Crackheads

Sure, back when I was a cop I’ve had to tangle with crackheads. Usually after catching one breaking into a house stealing a TV or whatever so they can pawn it and score some more rock. All the verbal deescalation in the world doesn’t seem to work when you’re between a crackhead and their precious desire, and it doesn’t help when they try to brain you with whatever they’ve stolen.

I’ve digressed.

What we’re talking about in this post is not another cop story. Instead we’re talking about one of our inner crackheads, that little part of your psyche that nags you to satiate a detrimental desire. In this case, that craving is for stuff that we don’t need. Unlike real crackheads, our inner crackheads can be battled with knowledge.

Because knowing is half the battle!

Here we go with story time, because you know I’m going to take forever to get to my point:

Our oven broke last week, and it was pretty obvious the heating element was the cause of the issue. A few youtube videos later, my wife (who tends to fix all the appliances around here and is therefore fucking awesome) had the replacement part inbound from the Amazon within minutes.

No, we’re not delving into how amazing it is to DIY, and how by doing just a bit of research and leg work you can save billions of dollars by not buying a brand new whatever when something breaks. Cheaper to fix what you got blah blah blahhhhhh…..

Nope, we’re talking about what happened with that part. Though my wife scoured the internets and all the reviews, the replacement heating element didn’t fit. Luckily, as we all have experienced, the near constant inconvenience of getting the wrong thing from Amazon is evened out with their stupidly easy return and exchange process. A minor hiccup in life, as the correct part was already inbound before I got around to doing the easiest of the return options.

That return process is how I found myself at Kohls the other afternoon, randomly wandering around the store trying to find the Amazon return desk, wondering why said desk wasn’t easier to find. I passed by the men’s section and some snappy clothes caught my eye. I thought about how it’d be nice to have an outfit I spied, as I had a wedding rehearsal dinner coming up and some new duds would enhance the experience. Plus I could always use some more work out clothes, as all of mine have at least one small tear or hole. You know me, frugal bordering on hobo.

And then I recognized that crackhead in me, and how the Amazon-Kohls hegemony had skillfully dangled some rock under his nose. This was the shiny stuff crackhead, which when in proximity of new things, gives me a little tingle of desire to buy whatever it gazes upon. Of course, this is why the Amazon return desk is all of the way in the back. Initially I had stopped by the return desk at the front of the store, and they had informed me that said conveniently placed desk was only for Kohls merch, and then vaguely waved towards the back when directing me to the Amazon kiosk.

Thankfully, years ago I had read Bob Claldini’s Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion *. This amazing book opened up the world of sales and marketing, and gave a behind the scenes look at how those in the industry use our own brains against us so we can buy their crap. In describing the techniques and the data demonstrating their effectiveness, I started to notice these techniques everywhere. Commercials, radio ads, bill boards, salespeople at my door, and even how stuff was laid out in stores. Thus was how I realized that Kohls was getting a solid from Amazon, as those who want to return stuff have to go through that last subtle form of Influence *. I wonder; does Kohls even get compensated by Amazon, or are they content to get the walk in traffic in an era where retail stores are on the decline?

Do I get mad at Kohls or Amazon? Nah. That’s just the way of the world, and I have little control over how it’s run. But since having read Influence *, I appreciate the work that goes into bending our inner materialistic crackheads to the whim of those that make their livelihood by selling stuff. I’ve found once I recognize my crackhead is trying to take the helm, it’s pretty easy to put him back in the corner and ignore him. As I weaved through Kohls, I ID’d that inner crackhead, appreciated the mechanism being used to egg him on, and told him to chill the fuck out. Then I returned the original part, and got out of the store without making a purchase that I didn’t need(despite them giving me 5 bucks “Kohls cash”- yet another sales technique recognized from Influence*), nor would likely even care about 30 minutes later.

Having recognized this over the years, I’m in awe of the benefit that a single book can have in my life. This is why Influence * is one of the few books that made my shortlist to buy instead of continually checking it out from the library. Though the library is an amazing resource, having a physical copy to use as a reference is a luxury, and I find I’m more likely to go back and reread books I own even though it’s insanely easy to borrow a digital copy.

There you have it, and now we go one level deeper.

Look man, it’s not a matter of if I sell out, it’s when.

*By now you’ve seen 6 asterisks next to Amazon hyperlinks to purchase a copy of Influence. As a smart, astute, good looking reader, you probably picked up on this long before now. Hell, I even wrote how purchasing the book has value over borrowing it, therefore implying you should do the same. No, this is not an affiliate link, yet. I’m not opposed to going that route some day, partially to defray the cost of this blog thing, and more just to see if after a lifetime of public service if I can build a business.

But we’re not there yet.

I was mostly trying to drive home the pervasive nature of sales techniques, plus I thought it’d be fun little check up on your ability to detect marketing schemes, my own fake ones included.

I do this because I know I sure could use a reminder:

What I haven’t mentioned yet is that my above described Amazon return run to Kohls was not my first. It took me three times of making that trip over the past 6 months before I recognized the reasoning behind obscuring that desk way in the back. Thankfully my habit of not impulse buying saved me the first two times-it seems that habit trumps self awareness, at least when you’re as dense as me. Guess I better give that book a read again. Maybe I’ll buy it here. 😉

What marketing mind melds have you noticed? Have you read Influence, and used it in your life? How long do you think it’ll be before I put some ads and affiliate links up in this corner of the web?